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((Introspection;))
((Nagisa was here now. What a disaster. He felt so awful having to break it to him that it was likely they wouldn't see Rei in.... too long. To admit to him that neither Makoto nor Haru were the same people Nagisa remembered. He had scars to prove it. 'Rei-chan might be quitting the swim team.' Makoto tried his hardest not to weep, wishing that those were the worst of his worries. He felt jealous of himself having it so easy. He wanted to go home. Even Haru with him at night didn't make things better. Just slightly less unbearable.
And Nagisa being here meant that he had a greater burden on his shoulders. He had two of his most precious people to take care of now, and he couldn't bear the thought of Nagisa ever losing the glimmer in his eyes. And the cost of that? To protect his friends meant he would have to protect them against all odds, meaning the ugly, the bad, and the horrific. This last event showed him as much. If he wanted anyone to live, he had to be strong, he had to fight. March was right: he needed a sword. But... March was gone, he'd discovered with mixed regret and relief, but I digress. To need a sword meant he would need to kill. And to kill, he would have to learn.
As he fetched water, a rat runs past his feet, not an unfamiliar sight in this putrid place, but hollowly he stares at it and watches it run to its home. Of course, he has no experience with killers and wanting to kill but... most people hunted animals, right? So maybe that's how he could teach himself... at least to get used to death.))
((Action; Housing spiral))
((A young man currently stands outside... in really any spot, but he tries to stay near the housing spiral. He has a fishbowl in his hand, which normally would be seen wrapped up in rope. Today, however, he has it flipped upside down in hands, lowered to the ground. Now you might have spotted him doing one of two things.
A ((Either one, he's standing by a very, VERY tiny opening with the fishblow waiting to strike.))
B ((or two, he's running around trying to catch a rat. At which point he probably failed misterably because he ran into you or a fucking house.)) OW!!
C ((After MANY failed attempts to catch on, Makoto finally does succeed. He sits in a dark spot, a little out of the way of the apartments. In his hands he holds a rat, which howls and squirms between clutched fingers. Dispassionate eyes stare at it, Makoto in deep thought. A hand reaches up towards its head and closes around it. He just has to snap the neck - a painless death, right? The rat keeps screaming.))
... ((he exhales, and pulls his hand away away from it again.)) I can't.
((For a while he stares at the rat, which has calmed down now, sniffing hungrily at the air.)) This must be how it feels like to them... To be so much bigger, ((he says to the rat, as if it understands him. In time, the rat is returned to the fishbowl in peace.)) You didn't do anything wrong, I'm sorry, ((his lips curl up at it for a moment. and decides then he would sit with his new companion for a while in silence.))
((Audio; Locked from Haru and Nagisa))
... After everything that's happened, ((he mutters, voice quiet, slightly broken,)) I'm sorry to ask but... I can't waffle about this forever.
What do you guys think about... ending something's life? I'm not... a bad person, so naturally I don't want to hurt anyone but... I don't want my friends to be hurt either.
((Nagisa was here now. What a disaster. He felt so awful having to break it to him that it was likely they wouldn't see Rei in.... too long. To admit to him that neither Makoto nor Haru were the same people Nagisa remembered. He had scars to prove it. 'Rei-chan might be quitting the swim team.' Makoto tried his hardest not to weep, wishing that those were the worst of his worries. He felt jealous of himself having it so easy. He wanted to go home. Even Haru with him at night didn't make things better. Just slightly less unbearable.
And Nagisa being here meant that he had a greater burden on his shoulders. He had two of his most precious people to take care of now, and he couldn't bear the thought of Nagisa ever losing the glimmer in his eyes. And the cost of that? To protect his friends meant he would have to protect them against all odds, meaning the ugly, the bad, and the horrific. This last event showed him as much. If he wanted anyone to live, he had to be strong, he had to fight. March was right: he needed a sword. But... March was gone, he'd discovered with mixed regret and relief, but I digress. To need a sword meant he would need to kill. And to kill, he would have to learn.
As he fetched water, a rat runs past his feet, not an unfamiliar sight in this putrid place, but hollowly he stares at it and watches it run to its home. Of course, he has no experience with killers and wanting to kill but... most people hunted animals, right? So maybe that's how he could teach himself... at least to get used to death.))
((Action; Housing spiral))
((A young man currently stands outside... in really any spot, but he tries to stay near the housing spiral. He has a fishbowl in his hand, which normally would be seen wrapped up in rope. Today, however, he has it flipped upside down in hands, lowered to the ground. Now you might have spotted him doing one of two things.
A ((Either one, he's standing by a very, VERY tiny opening with the fishblow waiting to strike.))
B ((or two, he's running around trying to catch a rat. At which point he probably failed misterably because he ran into you or a fucking house.)) OW!!
C ((After MANY failed attempts to catch on, Makoto finally does succeed. He sits in a dark spot, a little out of the way of the apartments. In his hands he holds a rat, which howls and squirms between clutched fingers. Dispassionate eyes stare at it, Makoto in deep thought. A hand reaches up towards its head and closes around it. He just has to snap the neck - a painless death, right? The rat keeps screaming.))
... ((he exhales, and pulls his hand away away from it again.)) I can't.
((For a while he stares at the rat, which has calmed down now, sniffing hungrily at the air.)) This must be how it feels like to them... To be so much bigger, ((he says to the rat, as if it understands him. In time, the rat is returned to the fishbowl in peace.)) You didn't do anything wrong, I'm sorry, ((his lips curl up at it for a moment. and decides then he would sit with his new companion for a while in silence.))
((Audio; Locked from Haru and Nagisa))
... After everything that's happened, ((he mutters, voice quiet, slightly broken,)) I'm sorry to ask but... I can't waffle about this forever.
What do you guys think about... ending something's life? I'm not... a bad person, so naturally I don't want to hurt anyone but... I don't want my friends to be hurt either.