Revision comment

While the application looks pretty good, we'd like to see a revised third person sample.

This is because we don't feel we can see Sakura's characterization, or the changes Discedo has made in her character, from the one provided. Links to other posts and threads in third person format are acceptable.

We apologize for the inconvenience. You have one week to reply to these revisions, thank you.

She wanted to tell herself it was a bad nightmare. A bad… year long nightmare. As if maybe she’d been in a coma a year and had the most absurd dream, and that all the horror she’d witnessed in all that time really was over. She could ask Naruto about what had happened, and he could easily laugh and say “What are you talking about, Sakura-chan?” God, what a relief if would be to hear that, too. She was so tired of scientists and so tired of monsters. But they’d let them go; she remembered at first hesitating upon seeing her home world in the strange door portal, thinking it another trap but… he said it was over. He said they could go home.

Bleary eyed, she wakes, trying to look around but her eyes wouldn’t clear that she could see. She sits up, rubbing her face and sighing. “What a dream!” She blinks again, the world coming into view, but her breath hitches when she realizes this is… it’s no medical ward she was familiar with. It wasn’t her home, even. “…Naruto?” It seemed he was always not far behind when trouble started up, and they lived together after all. She steps out of her bed, shoes still on her feet much to her surprise. She sees each of her bags resting on the table beside her bed with the row of other beds before her. From the corner of her eye she spots something bright red on the bed. A Santa hat… something she’d woken up with in Discedo not too long ago. Her eyes go wide, and without a moment’s hesitance, she bolts from the room.

She knew she wasn’t supposed to remember Discedo. She’d spoken with Naruto at great lengths about his return to their home six months ago. As her shoes hit the floor, running down the unfamiliar hallway, she looks left and right, moving as quickly as she could to the world outside this apartment building. She shouldn’t remember… and nothing should have come with her. Yet there was the Santa hat… here were her memories.

She throws open the doors outside, slowing as the dirt under her feet kicks up under her heels. She stares at the gray sky; looks at the destroyed buildings. They lied. She didn’t go home like they said she could. Her knees hit the ground and she stares, so overcome with sadness and anger. She missed home more than she’d ever imagined; she wanted to see her parents again. To see Yamato and Kakashi. She wanted to go to Naruto and tell him she was finished with searching for Sasuke; she wanted to show Tsunade all the strange medical procedures she’d learned from Cube. She wanted to tell Ino of the strongest man in Ikebukuro who’d saved her life…

Trying to maintain composure; trying to breathe normally; and trying to fight back tears, she searches for her communicator. It’s not what she remembers, and struggles at first with the strange cellphone. Pictures? But she recognized nobody. She was alone. She shakes her head. What was happening? Why wasn’t she done with this??